This question is asked of us in the counseling center over and over. How does one answer? Well, we are going to give it a try.

Have I ever been drunk? Sure I have. Does that make me an alcoholic? Maybe, but maybe not. How does one decide?

There are some simple things to ask. If I drink too much one night while out with the boys or girls, and feel really bad the next day, what does that mean? It probably means that I abused alcohol last night, right? If I get up, go to work and do not hurt anyone else, it is probably an abuse situation. When does it cross over to addiction?

That happens when I need to have it to perform, feel comfortable doing certain things, when I need it to feel better or when I can’t go a day without it. When I begin to get sick without it is a good sign of addiction, as well.

When alcohol controls who you are, what you do and makes decisions for you, it is probably addiction/alcoholism. When it hurts your family members, when they lie for you, when they are picking you up off the floor day after day, it is probably addiction/alcoholism.

When people speak of a functional alcoholic or nonfunctional alcoholic you can use these same guidelines if you want, but frankly I do not believe that there is such a thing as a functional alcoholic. I think usually those who use this phrase are either simply abusing alcohol or not telling the whole truth about their use.

Take heart. Is your alcohol use, abuse or not? Is it hurting others, or not. Are you using it to help you out or change your feelings about yourself, or not?

Whether we are talking about you, your spouse, a good friend or another family member, ask these questions and be honest. Get help if the answers are not favorable. Don’t be ashamed of it. Asking for help makes you the courageous one.

New Groups Starting?

Yes! We here at Renewing Hearts would like to invite you to sign up, email us or call the office to inform us of your interest in two new groups starting towards the end of July.

The first group is for women. It will focus on women’s issues such as divorce, change of life, sexual issues and esteem. We believe that support and encouragement goes a long way to help brighten up our perspectives and certainly can assist in making the changes needed to improve our life choices, patterns and paths. Let’s work together in this journey.

Call 407-671-2319 to let us know of your interest. With your call or email to us, let us know of two available days or evenings for you to meet and we will get back to you when the first day will be. This will go for 8 weeks and then we will reassess.

The second group is for those dealing with grief. This could be the loss of a spouse, sibling, child or parent. Of course, friends and coworkers count!

We will discuss the stages of grief, weep together and talk about how each stage can and does, affect people differently and talk together about what does and does not help. This will also be an 8 week process. Please call or email to let us know of your interest and availability.

Can hardly wait to meet each one of you!

Alicia Eidson MA, M.F.T.

Renewing Hearts Inc.

   Director of Clinical Services

University of Central Florida

   Professor of Marriage and Intimate Relationships

Seminole State College of florida

   Professor of Human Sexuality

407-252-1818

www.renewinghearts.org

Often, we read something new regarding relationships. Most of the time, it is about communication and conflict resolution. This time it is about robots? Seriously? We found this to be extremely interesting and thought we would share it with our readers. We would love to hear your response.

ASK AUGUSTINE

by Paul A. Tambrino, Ed.D., Ph.D.

I read an old issue of “Scientific American” which predicts that we will soon be mating with robots?  Does the Bible have any direct or indirect statements that prohibit our marrying a droid?

At first glance, I did not think this was a serious question until I read the referenced article in “Scientific American” (March 2008, p. 85f.).  The author, David Levy is an artificial-intelligence researcher who holds a Ph. D. in computer science from the University of Maastricht in the Netherlands.  He states in his book, Love and Sex with Robots, that love, sex and even marriage between humans and robots are coming, perhaps as early as 2050.

Levy contends that robots can adopt a total humanoid look, can be programmed to match a person’s social and physical interests, and that as people “grow up with all kinds of electronic gizmos (they) will find android robots to be fairly normal as friends, partners and lovers.”

Levy goes on to note that the internet has “made it possible to fall in love” without meeting face to face.  He says, “It just matters what you experience and perceive.”

Alas, we see Levy advocating that fundamental philosophical teaching of our postmodern age:  Feeling is more important than reason; sincerity is more important than truth.  Christian ethics on the other hand is concerned not with personal preferences and feelings, but with obligations that command the conscience.

Indeed, developments in science have been outstripping our ability to understand adequately their long range ramifications.  While it is true that the Bible does not explicitly address relationships with robots, it is straightforward in its treatment of sexual matters and the teaching of Scripture is the final court of appeal for ethics.  Human reason, the social and natural sciences, as well as church tradition may aid in our moral reflection, but divine revelation as found in Scripture is our foundation for ethical decision making.

When the Bible discusses marriage, it speaks of two people clinging together as one flesh (Genesis 2:24).  It is hard to image a more graphic way to depict marital sexuality and it is even harder to imagine that depiction with some man made object.

The Bible is quite frank in describing the sexuality of many of its most significant figures.  The Song of Songs describes in passionate, sensual images the feelings between a young shepherdess and her lover.  Yet as liberal as the Bible is in its approval of permitted sexual relations, it imposes numerous restrictions on other types of sexual behavior.

The eighteenth chapter of Leviticus opens with a denunciation of sexual deviancy in Egypt and Canaan.  Biblical laws forbid incest, which prohibition is extended to non-blood relatives.  It prohibits marrying a half sister, the marrying of one’s wife’s sister (including the sister of a divorced wife) during the wife’s lifetime, and the marriage of an aunt and nephew.  Other sexual activities prohibited in the Bible include adultery, homosexuality and bestiality.

The New Testament especially forbids fornication, illicit sexual relations between unmarried persons.  In Matthew 5:28, Christ expanded the prohibition against adultery to include sexual lusting. It is impossible to imply from any of the above passages that explicitly address prohibited relationships that the Bible permits mating with machines.

Biblical guidelines on what traits to look for in a partner are recorded in Genesis 24 and they can hardly be found in a robot.  The verses 24 and 25 of Leviticus 18 are emphatic in their insistence that widespread violation of these biblical sexual norms will lead to national catastrophe. “Do not defile yourselves with any of these things; for by all these the nations are defiled, which I am casting out before you.  For the land is defiled; therefore I visit the punishment of its iniquity upon it, and the land vomits out its inhabitants.”

What a great way to spend the week-end! Dan Allender was at University Presbyterian Church Friday and Saturday. I was one of the very fortunate ones to hear him speak. He is a remarkable author of books like, “To Be Told”, The Wounded Heart”, “Intimate Allies”, “Bold Love” and so many others.

This conference was called Redeeming Sexuality. It brought many tears to many eyes. He shared things I have never heard before. As most of my readers know, I am a counselor and a sexuality professor at SSC in Florida. He is a very down to earth man and a good presenter. He is well worth the time and money for the conference. If you are in the state of Washington you can hear him in many other conferences coming up soon.

The recordings of his presentations will be available, I think, in about two months on The Mars Hill Graduate School Web site.

If you are a counselor, you will want to hear him speak on sexual addictions, abuse and molestation and healing from these sexual issues.

If you are a parent, spouse, man or woman, this conference is for you. Your clients spouse’s, friends and coworkers will benefit from it.

Thanks for giving this your attention. It touched me in so many ways.   I was one with tears in my eyes!

Alicia Eidson MA, M.F.T.

Renewing Hearts Inc.

   Director of Clinical Services

University of Central Florida

   Professor of Marriage and Intimate Relationships

Seminole State College of florida

   Professor of Human Sexuality

407-252-1818

www.renewinghearts.org

Happy Valentine’s Day to all my single friends and readers

Are you single on Valentine’s Day? I know that kind of sucks. The rest of the world is with those they love and love them. Their all out to dinner, buying candy, flowers, and mushy cards, and it is making you sick, right?

Lord knows, I’ve been there and know what it’s like. I first just wanted to say that I remember being a single mom for a very long time and wishing that someone would notice me or just, like me a little. I often thought that it would be nice, just to be thought of.

I had a friend named Kim who would send out Valentine’s Day cards to her single friends and so I was lucky to be one of them. No, it wasn’t exactly the same, but it still felt good. I remember smiling and thinking I wish she was a guy! Oh well, that led me to what I will finish off saying.

I decided to make others smile or at least try. I started that very year at Thanksgiving time. I hosted an orphans traditional Thanksgiving meal for those who were far away from their own families. I ended up doing this several years in a row and I think we all looked forward to it. I heard some of the guys say that I was a pretty good cook. Got to love that, right?

I then realized that one of my favorite things to host were English teas. I did it! I had an English tea for my single friends on Valentine’s week then for many years. It was so fun. I broke out the china and beautiful place settings. We had a variety of yummy teas, sandwiches and scones. Oh yes, and we can’t forget the heart shaped cookies and candies! I gave little gifts at each table and served each guest. I wanted them to feel special and cared for, at least for a few hours. Everyone always leaves full and feeling valued. I can’t think of a better way to take the focus off of what I don’t have and be grateful for those I do have. God has blessed me with terrific friends and I want them to feel like I love them and appreciate them.

Now that I am married, I still do these teas. I had one for the senior ladies at church, I had one for the neighbors and I had one for the friends I now have in my new area. It is so much fun for everyone.

It helps to do something fun with other people. Take time out this Valentine’s Day and do something for someone else, especially if you are without a partner. It takes the focus off of what you do not have and places it on what you do have.

Just a thought!

Alicia Eidson MA, M.F.T.

Renewing Hearts Inc.

   Director of Clinical Services

University of Central Florida

   Professor of Marriage and Intimate Relationships

Seminole State College of florida

   Professor of Human Sexuality

407-252-1818

www.renewinghearts.org

Hi All,

We here at Renewing Hearts are very interested in what you think, feel and believe. We want to serve each one of our readers as best as we possibly can.

We would like to know where you live. What I mean by this, is what topics will best address your needs. What can we discuss with you that will have an impact in your every day lives and in your relationships. Write us and let us know.

Happy New Year

Alicia Eidson MA, M.F.T.

Renewing Hearts Inc.

   Director of Clinical Services

University of Central Florida

   Professor of Marriage and Intimate Relationships

Seminole State College of florida

   Professor of Human Sexuality

www.renewinghearts.org

The New Year is Among Us!

Ok, here we are, most of us back to work or starting again tomorrow. Back to school and to the reality of every day life chores and business. Are you already feeling the stresses of your situations? Are you feeling the pressure that comes from having to be on time, driving the kids from place to place, dealing with neighbor issues, in-laws, employers/employees expectations, a bad marriage, step children, teenagers, a rude comment, a job loss, grief, a broken relationship, and the list goes on and on.

Of course, if these types of circumstances are what we are tied to then it has every possibility of determining our day, week or life. It can steal our joy right from underneath us, without us even realizing it. We don’t even notice until it is too late.

We should not allow these things to be our constant focus. Surely, we have to think about them in order to resolve them, but we need to begin the process of letting go of them and focusing on the good in our lives. We all have good, no matter how bad it looks.

I, for one, have many good things in my life:

*I love what I do

*I have two perfect grandchildren!

*Great kids

*An amazing daughter-in-law

*A beautiful home

*Good friendships

*A good church

*Nice clothes and lots of shoes!

*A decent brain that can process through issues, conflict, and a heart that wants to serve others.

Now, do I focus on these great things in my life? Nope! I focus in on what irritates me, what makes me angry, the things I can’t have, the distance between me and others, and so much more.

Do I want to change this? Of course I do, more than anything.

A good first step might be changing the bad attitude to an attitude of gratitude. I know, you’ve heard that before. It is true though. Be grateful for that which you are blessed with. Make a list for yourself. Thank others more often for how they have played a role in your life.

Another step might be doing something nice for someone else each week. If you are married, this would be a great project for the two of you. Call up your spouse as soon as you are done reading this and ask, “What and who can we do something nice for this week?”. You should do these types of things at least every week together. It helps you to see how good the two of you have it. It helps others out. It brings you and your partner closer together.

Another great step is doing something to improve yourself. If there are things that are really concerning you, find someone else who can help you or someone to hold you accountable to do what you need to do to make change. Stop talking about change, and simply, change. Be bold and don’t let fear slow you down. You can do it! It is so hard for us to self motivate, so the key in those cases will be doing it with another person. This person has to be someone you trust and who will push you in a positive way.

Just more thoughts on having a terrific new year!

Alicia Eidson MA, M.F.T.

Renewing Hearts Inc.

   Director of Clinical Services

University of Central Florida

   Professor of Marriage and Intimate Relationships

Seminole State College of florida

   Professor of Human Sexuality

407-252-1818

www.renewinghearts.org

Have a very Happy 2011

How many of you make new year resolutions? Probably most of us do. Well, how many of us keep them? Why do we keep lying to ourselves? Maybe instead of being so grandiose in our “goal setting”, we should be realistic by deciding what might be most  important. If you just say things like dieting and becoming more organized will you stick to it if you are in a pattern you have had for years? If it is going to impact you and your relationships, will you be more likely to create change and stick to your resolutions?

Well, here are some ideas that may impact your relationships in very positive ways that may be easier to stick to when you see the positive results because you did.

1. Laugh more with your partner and friends and children
2. Plan date nights
3. Say, “I love you” every single day one, two or three times.
4. Give more hugs
5. Smile
6. Hold hands while having conversations
7. Find special things to do that cost under $10.
8. Communicate well; Listen attentively, reflect back what you have heard, clarify that which needs to be clarified, respond with respect and be able to agree to disagree when necessary.
9. Give 100%
10. Build up and do not tear down

We do not have to settle for resolutions that we can not stick to. These are simple sounding tasks, however, not so simple in the midst of turmoil or disappointment. Remember these simple reminders and things will change. Happy, happy new year to each one!

Alicia Eidson MA, M.F.T.

Renewing Hearts Inc.

   Director of Clinical Services

University of Central Florida

   Professor of Marriage and Intimate Relationships

Seminole State College of florida

   Professor of Human Sexuality

407-252-1818

www.renewinghearts.org

Here we are at the end of the year. Didn’t 2010 come and go quickly? Most of us think about the good stuff that happened and we think about the things that we wished we could have done differently or change for next year. Well, what are you going to do to improve who you are? What can you do to assist others in making productive change?

Would it not be wonderful if our neighbors were more healthy emotionally, vocationally and spiritually? Of course all of us could make a meal for someone who has little or no food. Most of us could give a ride to a friend or neighbor without a car. Some of us could offer a job to a father who can not support their family. There are so many acts of services that one can do for another. How do we choose?

Of course, we would hope that you would consider a donation to our service so that we can help individuals, couples and families by connecting them to resources that will assist them with their individual needs. Whether this means counseling, support groups, financial assistance, community services or ministry, it takes your financial assistance to ensure the maximum potential for their healing and productivity. We would also love it if you would consider partnering with us by using us as a referral for others who are in need of our services. Partnerships can be developed to assist in sustaining community services. You can write us with how you might join us in our cause, and in sharing Renewing Hearts with your friends family members and coworkers.

We here at Renewing Hearts are honored to have had your support in the past and are excited to stay connected to you this upcoming year, as well. We wish to be on your list of referrals. We wish to continue to serve those of you who need us or who know others who need us.

Highlights of 2010:

1. Restored marriages after affairs
2. Teens changing unacceptable behavior patterns
3. Depression turning into acceptance and joy
4. Resolved conflict
5. Recovery for substance abuse and eating disorders

Big donations this year from the following:

United Launch Alliance

Rotary, Winter Springs

Song written in honor of Renewing Hearts by Asli Goncer “Renew Your Heart

Write us with your questions, concerns or needs.

http://www.scottoverpeck.com/year-end-giving/

Alicia Eidson MA, M.F.T.

Renewing Hearts Inc.

   Director of Clinical Services

University of Central Florida

   Professor of Marriage and Intimate Relationships

Seminole State College of florida

   Professor of Human Sexuality

www.renewinghearts.org